It's been quite awhile since I've taken time to write anything on here... Honestly I had all but forgotten about this blog. But then I remembered... It is my goal to be a little more consistent in it.
This past year of my life has been characterized by change and transition from the life I knew to a life I'm learning. I now find myself out of the life of and student and into the "adult" life; whatever that means. I guess at some point I grew up and with that gained responsibility. But what I quickly realize, even I just start this section of my life, is that this is something I cannot do alone.
Sometimes I look at other people who are following Jesus and it seems to come so naturally. When I look at my own life things don't seem to come as naturally. I struggle and doubt, I consistently find myself doing the opposite of what God has called me to do. I suspect that even the people that seem to have it together secretly struggle. I presume I'm not alone in this, at least I hope I'm not alone in this... It seems human nature to want to attempt life on our own. Yet one doesn't have to try for very long to see that attempting this rarely works.
Man was never intended to do life apart from God. We are meant to do life in partnership with God.
In my head I know this to be true, however I struggle to actually live like that. Knowing this and practicing this are two different things. As I move into this next stage in my life I know that I need God in my life like never before. I can't do what God has called me to apart from Him. I desperately want to succeed in this stage of my life and lead a life that honors and glorifies Him.
The thing about leading a life like that is that it really has little to nothing to do with us and who we are. But it has everything to do with who God is and what He has done.
We often think more highly of ourselves then we ought to. We think that we can do life on our own, but can we really do that? We might be able to have a successful life by human standards on our own. But if we want to live the life God is calling us to we don't have a chance of doing this on our own. We NEED God. God has gone to crazy lengthens to get us back to Him so that we can do life with Him by our side. It is His desire to go through life with us and help us.
God doesn't call us to a life that we are capable of living. He calls us to a life that we are only capable of living with Him.
I realized the full weight of this when I first entered into my current position at RMCC. I was praying for my students for the upcoming night and I had the startling realization that if God didn't show up that night I would fail. More then that, if God didn't show up in my ministry as a whole it would fall apart. It was a scary thought, ministry is something I am passionate about and I couldn't imagine doing anything else with my life. Yet the success of something so important to me rests totally on God and not me. At first I found this thought scary and intimidating, but after some thought I find comfort in this. My success hinges not on my own ability but on God's ability. All I have to do is move aside and let Him work through me.
We should find comfort that our life rests not in our own clumsy hands but in God's loving and secure hands.
One of my favorites bands is Emery and in their third release "I Am Only a Man" speaks to this. Throughout the album Toby writes about how he tried for so long to do life on his own, but ultimately failed. He came to the realization that he was only a man and man's greatest need is God. On the 6th track this thought comes into full light with these lyrics:
That phrase "standing in the need" is a shortened baptist saying. What it means is that we need God and we can "stand" in that need and God will provide. In all of our lives we are simply not good enough, there is a need in all of our lives. God can provide for that need and lead us through life. We need to stand in that need.
I know in my life I'm not good enough. But I also know that the God I serve is more then good enough. I'm going to be standing in the need, and there is no place I would rather be.